I can't just dress
as I want, even at home in my skin-
coloured shirt I close the curtains

so every now and then I must go
to the busy part of the beach
to see in many strange eyes
that I am beautiful, a pretty safe
making men and women curious

but only to fantasies
do I show myself, not to be undressed
and touched, but for
fantasies about yes-but and how
I would be on other days, a matter

of attention and sensing
how caring and prudent I am -
and then losing sleep over it