Dedicated to:  Maria Godschalk


It is light to love

you, but also very dark --


that you are so sick.


Het is licht van jouEs ist hell um dich
te houden, maar erg donker --zu lieben, und sehr dunkel --
dat je zo ziek bent.dass du so krank bist.

Gedicht H1559
Amsterdam, 0000-00-00
Birthday
Collection: Without reserve 
Keyword: Love:  

Zywa I woluw

Do you know where you are going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?


the way it is, today
my own life today
softly singing on

my way to the next
crossing in the park
knowing where I'm going

left or right, always
back to friends
with whom I'm happy

Even if I don't participate
with the neighbours, all of Brussels
Berlin, Beyrouth, and Beijing

I still participate
but otherwise, living
close to myself

"viewless" today's
life, softly singing
on my way

Gedicht 858
Amsterdam, 2016-12-01
The Woluwe flows through municipalities of the Brussels region
"Do you know where you're going to?" (1973, lyrics Michael Masser)

Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Life: course 

Zywa Blossoms in Waterwheel

This street in wonderland
a lane of pink clouds
must be the end

of the normal world, happiness
begins here and over there
must be the gate

but I don't want to go there yet
Let me walk slowly and enjoy
trees full of pink cakes

Let me fly away
from pain and nausea
from the holy trinity

of my thoughts, my
organs and the rest, my
despair, grief, and fear

of the unbearable
Let me walk in the clouds
Let the blossoms keep raining

Gedicht 861
Amsterdam, 2016-12-02
Watermaal (Waterwheel) is a municipality in Brussels–Capital region
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa Soham

It is a beautiful autumn day
the park splendidly strewn

with spiny balls, they proliferate
everywhere, I can't watch it

The bad news attacks
I withdraw inside

the walls, close the gates
Leave me alone, let me fight

the facts on my worldwide desktop
as the days go by and I am uncertainly

taking steps in the dance to the final party
letting my I flow in, slowly

exhaling It to be whole, it goes
naturally, it goes by naturally

but now a pill and then
I'll eat and know that outside is inside

- a beautiful day

Gedicht 864
Amsterdam, 2016-12-03
Mantra So - Hum (I - It)
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa Call for the owls

When I want to know something, I call

someone from the explanation folks
Strangers are my interpreters
and my guides in the web

Be my brother, my sister
give me a real kiss
We are family, we are birds

of a feather, we fly together
over the net that binds us
to what we know

: our golden rule
Hand In Hand, Have Trust
in yourself and in the things you do

Gedicht 867
Amsterdam, 2016-12-04
"We are family" (1979, text Bernard Edwards, sung by Sister Sledge)
Collection: Without reserve 
Keyword: Together: connected 

Zywa Different

These circumstances, difficulties
and your behaviour
lately

I don't know myself that way
although I see a bit more
who I am, and you, we

and how things are going
Unsolicited
I just have to

make the best
of it again
What should be different?

Two, three things
now you that you ask
If it's possible

And then
make the best of it
together

Gedicht 923
Amsterdam, 2016-12-28
Collection: Foghorn 
Keyword: Love: relationship 

Zywa Before I jump

Since that day I

old striped out tiger
in a young body

stand in another light
that undresses me, inexorably

untying the laces of my certainties
unbuttoning my habits and dreams

kissing open my eyes
to the beauty

of the abyss
and with a soft hand

taking off my immortality
The abyss isn't an abyss

if I fly and you
accept my hand: look at me

I'm looking at you
standing in another light

since that day when I was so happy
to be still alive – I am

after deep sighs, ready
to jump

Gedicht 981
Amsterdam, 2017-01-28
Collection: Summer birds 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa Gobstopper

As long as the paint is wet
my finger writes
my diary
in colourful blends

Unspoken questions
dipped hue after hue
and curl in curl on the tip
of my finger, layer on layer

a gobstopper of memories
which I slowly lick off, every time
I want to taste their flavours
and reread my life

Gedicht 993
Amsterdam, 2017-02-06
Collection: The Yellow House Museum 
Keyword: Memory:  

Zywa Tongs and knives

Content with each step
that overcomes the tongs
of don't and the knives of do

move, I walk
more and more outside
the lines of society

in my own circlet
There's danger tinkling
in my long breath

of slowly living
step by step
I pour more and more

honey in the tea
but I refuse to flee
in the powdery snow of the night

Gedicht 995
Amsterdam, 2017-02-07
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa Flower child

Friends don't know what to do
with me: not with themselves
and their own worries

with which they are welcome
but they cover them
with worries about me

and my high spirits
against one's better dreaming
against their dreams

because I would miss a part of my life
if I forget today
for a day to come

Dare to watch me
while it's getting dark
and I am lying to rest

I am not dead
I am a flower child
in Mother Nature's lap

Gedicht 997
Amsterdam, 2017-02-08
Collection: Untwisted 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa The playing way

Cleanliness and routine
a blessing of calm

giving me energy
and making me jump
in spin, the loop is in
out spout, the loop is out


I'm going wild in the garden
party of earthly delights
I jump to the fruit, ripe and green
every day again, it has no end

as long as it lasts -
until I write smaller and smaller
circles around my centre
under the caprices

A blessing of calm
cleanliness and routine

Gedicht 1042
Amsterdam, 2017-02-19
Rondo (Calliope Tsoupaki) - 2001
"Rondo" (2001, Calliope Tsoupaki), performed by Heleen Hulst on baroque violin in the Organpark on February 18th, 2017
Skipping rope: "In spin, the loop is in, / out spout, the loop is out"

Collection: org anp ark 
Keyword: Life: lust 
Composer: Tsoupaki, Calliope 

Zywa !!

That sense of yellowing and falling
to an adornment around my feet
the richness of what was, what wasn't

missing, I know that well
but I'm not looking at it
the way my friends do

Only for a while do they join me
down in my beauty and gratitude
and then they quickly stand back

aside again
looking into the pit
in which I am budding

That sense of hard work
on the balance beam and whoopee
I live, io vivo, I know that well

I do not fall, I plus up
and subtract, step by step
I go further than they do

Gedicht 1066
Amsterdam, 2017-02-23
The abbreviation of io (hi, hurray) was i, but for clarity, it was turned upside down to !
The international student song "Io vivat" originated in Leiden during the Batavian Republic (1795-1801)

Collection: Without reserve 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa Supershots

On good days I apply
     lipstick, put on nice clothes
     for the day theater

     of life
     in the streets and parks
     One of the people

     Everywhere we see red roses
     pouring down from heaven like rain
     Miracle after miracle will befall us

     We get everything we ask for
     and can bear our burdens together
     Those are the good days

after the timeless madness
of the devastating storm
I bump up and down, panic

rushes through my blood
short circuits in my head
I'm staggering from the doctor's cocktail

there is a ghost in it
a giant wildly shaking
the supershots into my lame body

until I fall asleep amorphously
and exhausted, and wake up
wonderfully normal (on a good day)

Gedicht 1296
Amsterdam, 2017-04-23
Collection: Blown sand 
Keyword: Health 

Zywa Sharazed (1)

My diary is too honest
to keep, what's the sense

in reading myself unhappy
and puzzling my head off
over covered terms, peering

what yet can be seen
through the frosted glass, shadows
which I trace with clear lines

of later. It easily looks
like real, a few lines are enough
for a snowy landscape

that I can make thaw
by continuing to draw:
another page, another day

written to my life
blossoms written
on my path full of thorns

in the ghost house
of my body

Gedicht 1297
Amsterdam, 2017-04-23
Collection: Reaching out 
Keyword: Life: survival 

Zywa Sharazed (2)

My diary is too honest
for your eyes, what's the sense

in reading yourself unhappy
when I'm not there anymore
You may comfort yourself

with my serial of love
and connection, the odours
of the colourful life

I want to extend with might
and main, but you also know
that there's a sword beside me

that I go crazy because of the witches
in my body and the ghosts
in my head writing clauses

in the margins and notches
in your speechless soul
in our eternal love

in who we are

Gedicht 1298
Amsterdam, 2017-04-23
Collection: Reaching out 
Keyword: Relationship 

Zywa Tipping point

This is not a flying cold
this is doing the usual things
in a tilted world

crawling on sore knees
over the sharp rings in the metal
of a fallen spiral staircase

Keep going, keep going, take a rest
in a corner of the turn
till fear loves me again

till my ears go again
with what I see and feel
in the storm of my thoughts

till my intestines fall in place
in the witches' cauldron
and my emotions come home

from suffering
from the lesser evil
to everyone who loves me

Gedicht 1299
Amsterdam, 2017-04-24
Collection: Slow circles 
Keyword: Fear:  

Zywa Write me

The worse it is, the less I
bother others with my illness
I do want to

be connected, but I don't know how
to catch my chaos into friendship
I'm trying my best

there is no secret
there are no forbidden
thoughts, I like to see you

embrace you if possible
under the flowering trees
but please wait

till I'm better, well, good
enough not to be ashamed
and to enjoy the buzzing spring

without seeing threatening clouds
so be sweet and write me sweeter sweetest
write me that I love you

Gedicht 1300
Amsterdam, 2017-04-24
Collection: Foghorn 
Keyword: Friendship:  

Zywa Hurling waves

My darling is a mermaid
drifting ashore with the tide
from the hurling waves
in which she braces herself

I let her lie down quietly
until she extends her arms
and forces her hands
to work precisely

as long as the light burns, setting
out signs, water hours, moon phases
and weather forecasts
a map

of her love
I count the series
draw links with a ruler
determine her position

on the ticking coordinates
of the greedy time
Mistakes are not allowed
in the danger zone

Gedicht 1284
Amsterdam, 2017-04-21
Collection: Blown sand 
Keyword: Relationship 
Also dedicated to: T D 

Zywa Hand in my blood

I'm stuck, how did I get here?

How do I get out, who will help me
accompany me, if need be just
in the spirit, to the Golden Gate
with free birds in the glimpse
of the light between its doors?

Who feels my love tugging
at the nets that connect us?

Who will wash the hard crusts
from my body, kiss my wounds
into flowers as the most beautiful
dress I ever wore, who will
put his hand in my blood

as a heart?

Gedicht 1345
Amsterdam, 2017-05-11
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa John

I don't want to write nicely
about the discomfort of his life

and the success of his plans
to put an end to it. It's terrible

for me, for me
it isn't right, it is different

it should have been different, together
in one way or another

Sometimes I recognize him in a passer-by
that way I keep him here

but each time he escapes
even if I jump at him right away

and give a kiss, he is someone else
No kiss was enough

to make him light
too light to possibly die

and kisses are not enough
to make me light again

Gedicht 1360
Amsterdam, 2017-05-19
Collection: The drama 
Keyword: Death:  

Zywa Sedona

In veils of uncertainty
I stand on my balcony
the stones lose colour

turn grey behind a shower
and sink in the shadow
of black clouds, I'm waiting

for steaming clearances
that shoot colours again
in my quiet house

     The day has a lot of time
     and all that time I'm standing here tired
     working hard, bouncing

     emotions back and forth
     between all and nothing, bundling them
     one by one in the prism

     of my heart and scattering
     their colours far outside me, and then
     crystal clear silence

Gedicht 1367
Amsterdam, 2017-05-20
Collection: Slow circles 
Keyword: Feelings 

Zywa In the time I have

Sometimes I go crazy with all the life
I want to live, but that does not fit
in the time I have

Emotions get in my way
they proliferate and fill
the time I have

I must shed them with love
because the hard way fails
in the time I have

to break myself open
and shift my attention
to the sun

in the life nearby
to which I can connect
in the time I have

Gedicht 1369
Amsterdam, 2017-05-21
Collection: Take a picture, now 
Keyword: Life:  

Zywa What can I do?

Ill again. Panic
of falling into pieces
in my own skin

Trying all I can
to hold myself
Searching for weapons
and dreaming of ruses
Waking up without

Walking the problem out
the door, having to rest
somewhere in the grass, seeing blood
well up from an abrasion

Taking a baffled look at it
My worthless body full
of fresh blood, full of strength
There is still so much to do

what I thought I could
postpone, time and attention
for friends in the waiting
rooms of my eager life

Come on, I live, I can
bleed and be ill, take care
of others, I live –
no measured hours

Gedicht 1377
Amsterdam, 2017-05-25
Collection: The drama 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa Come on, you don't have to

Is it crying when I cry
in my mind, bobbing

like someone drowning between driftwood
the wreckages of my hope

on myself and wise doctors?
Would the chemistry of tears give

more rest, more breath
than you, your warm body

in my back, lying
together in the landless sea?

Words would float here
just as wet and adrift, today

too small to carry me –
better you hold me, please

you don't have to talk
not to understand me

come on, you don't have to
be my saver

Gedicht 1379
Amsterdam, 2017-05-26
Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Disease:  

 

 
Springtail
Amsterdam, 2017-06-19
Diary for Maria
Collection: 2011-2021 
Keyword: Illustration^ 

Zywa Springtail

I dont have to rest
ánymore than I need
the rest is a loss of time

Life is jumping
and eating experiences:
every day a Sunday

Tasting and digesting together
and the moon in the evening
but that doesnt interest you

Ánd it is cold in winter
and still light in summer
when I have to go

to sleep, we make the
exceptions whatever
the consequences

for others, for
carefree fun, fully
celebrating that we exist

Gedicht 1426
Amsterdam, 2017-06-21
Collection: Without reserve 
Keyword: Life: lust 

Zywa Wavemixtrail

I need a lot more time
to see myself

go over the waves
and in the tunnels

of breaking waves
being one with them

I need a lot more time
to see you

with me, to mix
our colours with love

to something new
being one out of two

I need a lot more time
to see other people

in the stations
which are there

to teach that we are
being one, connected

Gedicht 1431
Amsterdam, 2017-07-12
Collection: It takes a lot of tries to make a début 
Keyword: Together:  

Zywa Turbulence

I watch, take a grab
of the facts, rearrange the booty
to body's own and the world

constructions of fragments
of reality and myself, the truth
of my existence, my who I am:

turbulent clouds
in my sleep
and reckless pilots

of medicinal substances
that play with me
throwing me back and forth

through the hell
they mold out of my life
and I can only watch

Sometimes they also fly by day --
from my very own memory
I am thought by foreign substances

Gedicht 1492
Amsterdam, 2017-08-05
Collection: The drama 
Keyword: Identity:  

Zywa Easy go

Sipping warmth
on my balcony
watching the fluxskies

Red geraniums, the full weight
of my soul resting on the earth –
sensual of well-being

my voice strolls and tells
it to a friend, andante:
the music that I am

Then at the table
the pencils arranged
draw in silence, merge

in creating, smiling
at the rainbow fan
of dry paintbrushes

little brush tails, small
penises in my sleigh of hand
(easy going)

Gedicht 1561
Amsterdam, 2017-09-25
Collection: Being 
Keyword: Self-expression 

Zywa I give myself

I give myself
to be read

that's an act
not a desire

it is surrender
not fearing danger

it is sharing and healing
who we are

releasing together
what is stuck

a bond
of freedom

Gedicht 1601
Amsterdam, 2017-11-05
Collection: Without reserve 
Keyword: Freedom:  

Zywa Slanted balance

Familiar were the winds
that shaped me in their wide world

my branches towards the same side
reaching over the edge

yielding to the pressure, proudly
my own posture

Iron water has hardened me
and captured the pattern
of my life in the bones
and in the veins
of my slanted balance

I make elastic jumps
which would break my fragility
without the precision of manure
on hour and time, from time to time
disrupted by my zest for life

I don't live in a greenhouse, but
in the winds of the world

Gedicht 1572
Amsterdam, 2017-10-19
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Identity:  

Zywa Bravehearted

Smaller than I am
I fell into my own arms

to pieces
but all love

licking the wounds
they are mine

The bed doesn't know a thing
just carries whoever lies down

it is soft for heavy
and prickly, for me

I talk and write my complaints
away under enthusiastic words

friends desbravely hope with me
guessing what I don't dare

to share and afterwards
I am worried

whether I did them wrong
I am so tired

my body is the limit
I want to pass

Gedicht 1574
Amsterdam, 2017-10-19
Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Life: lust 

Zywa Frail

Everyone knows
from the daily news
the places and times

are wrong sometimes, suddenly
people are no longer alive and we
forget it again, so frail
are our feelings

and thoughts as well
under which we don't want
to suffer and be weighted down

Rather we keep up
that we are safe, twice a day
we see beside the screens

the good of our lives
and against the bad luck
that slips through
we arm ourselves with humor

Everyone knows
about being silent, alone
or together, then it is less bad

Gedicht 1576
Amsterdam, 2017-10-20
Collection: Blown sand 
Keyword: Safety:  

Zywa Half days

Awakening with a start, I softly push
over your snoring, reassured

I sink back in fatigue, dreaming
to catch up what I don''t come around to

in my half days of little
care for Missy, you and me

Sometimes I have to keep kissing you
have to weep you wet for more

time, doing more, living bigger
with less sleep, I do have so much

to give what I dont come around to
in my half days of little

care for Missy, you and me

Gedicht 1619
Amsterdam, 2017-11-17
Collection: More 
Keyword: Life: lust 

Zywa Masking

Cleaners are haunting
my house, bossy
they do all the talking
take me off my hands

and tell stories
that I am ashamed of
I lie helplessly crying
in your lap, in the shadow

of my fear of losing myself
more and more to them
I couldn't live without them
but my sake is suffering

from the occupation
of my head by the stage
mask of my face
that the cleaners wear

Gedicht 1627
Amsterdam, 2017-11-22
Collection: Foghorn 
Keyword: Identity:  

Zywa Mind map

On the way, I make a map
of the roads to the roads
that I do not know yet
on the small earth of my body
within the large body of It

I learn what it needs
see the roses bloom
smell the fungi and recognize
by the mushrooms feelings
I have buried

in storage holes in the ground
of my body, my earth
On the way, I make a map
of my discoveries, of the truth
of life, my soul

the temporary skin
between inside and outside
tightened between human beings
an interface, touched
and read by a few

Gedicht 1643
Amsterdam, 2018-01-15
Collection: Being 
Keyword: Identity:  

Zywa Sweet-I

The dragon is hungry, biting
away my resistance, eating
my powers, sweet-I

is falling apart –
it just happens
and it hurts

I fight it with dragon-
killers, they do their best
my love runs back and forth

between other fronts
he doesn't tempt me
to what I need

what we could
draw a banning circle
so I just

retreat, observe where
in my battered inside
the dragon is roaring

for attention and love
for my best self
to be exposed

Gedicht 1644
Amsterdam, 2018-01-15
Collection: Being 
Keyword: Love: for yourself 

Zywa Vipassana

It's only the third day
I keep thinking, and also that
this doesn't bring me anything

My breath does, and the peace
since, for the time being, there’s nothing
to do about the facts of blood

stone, iron, the elements
of the periodic table
nothing to do, only to think

And that may be a bit less
the weighing and determining
of my advancing insight

what is good for me
in the attacks of chaos
and panic, only to think

of myself
as the creator
of my life

Gedicht 1649
Amsterdam, 2018-01-18
Collection: Being 
Keyword: Thinking 

Zywa Only our love is great enough

Labels come off again
fortunately
life is pulling and pushing

itself free, eventually, wishing
to see and show: the body
merely dressed in its soul

the human being we are
the life we lead
in reality

indistinguishable
from one another, connected
with the Very Greatest

which is too great for us, too great
for narrow-minds knowing-it-all
or thinking they are better –

only our deeds
can share in it
our caring

our love
only our love
is great enough

Gedicht 1651
Amsterdam, 2018-01-19
Collection: Imprints Masks 
Keyword: Love:  

Zywa Twilight

All the little shutters opened up
feeling what is going on
in the twilight
within me

not fantasizing
feeling what is going on
outside, over there, a farewell
their arms around each other

and all the way long
my legs are tired
from the runner who smiles
at the happy woman

tears in my eyes
over the baby in her pram
it is getting dark
my window a mirror

in which my preliminary self
asks for love
for my marriage
under construction

and for my body
oh mirror image
I love you
I do what I can

Gedicht 1697
Amsterdam, 2018-02-28
Collection: More 
Keyword: Love: for yourself 

Zywa Glowing blood

Good day, darling in the mirror
I love you, all day

I will take care of you and as strongly
as my wishful thoughts think

that they will grow from my hands
into my life, rooted

in smiling health
as hungry am I

for lightheartedness
my fears anchored

in glowing blood
my body anchored

in the great soul
of friends everywhere

as hungry am I
for my best self

Gedicht 1742
Amsterdam, 2018-05-01
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Love: for yourself 

Zywa Voor lang en gelukkig

Ik wil niet voor mezelf leven
daar ben ik niet goed in en leven
is ook niet zo bedoeld, maar

het is nodig: mijn lichaam
heeft het moeilijk

en wil verwend worden
meer verwend worden
meer dan ik weet

dat verstandig is; mijn verstand
heeft juist rust nodig

geen diepgravende gedachten
alleen praktische zorgen
voor mijzelf zorgen

en alleen als het kan
ook voor anderen, mijn lief

anders ben ik niets
waard, ben ik niet
wie ik wil en hoop

te kunnen zijn: gezond
genoeg voor lang en gelukkig

Gedicht 1769
Amsterdam, 2018-05-28
Collection: Half The Work 
Keyword: Health 

Zywa De geur van de gloed

Jij op jouw balkon
met een herinnering
een mooie herinnering
een mooie avond, stilte
jij op het balkon, ik in de kamer

schemerende nevels een gloed
over de stad, zoals toen

je wakker werd uit de roes
verkleumd en klam
een paar mannen nog
aan het vissen, de geur
van de wijde kleine wereld

van grondmist, die sfeer
die zomaar over jaren heen stapt
van dat gras naar dit balkon
een herinnering om te delen
over dagelijkse zorgen heen

Gedicht 1782
Amsterdam, 2018-06-05
Collection: Greeting from before 
Keyword: Memory:  

Zywa Waffaqa

Can a person be successful
if temporality denies success
exposing that it is vain, an illusion
of vanity or complacency?

Can a person be successful
if he does not know how long he will be survived
by his performance, how many generations
how many centuries of utilization?

Can a person be successful
in his own eyes, measured
by his wishes
and the years of his life?

Can a person be successful
if he makes his results
outweigh his problems
failures and efforts?

Or is a person successful if
he makes go as well as possible
what happens, the normal
daily, wherever he is

if he lets his energy flow
in harmony, attentive and caring
for the ups and downs of himself
and his loved ones?

Gedicht 1852
Amsterdam, 2018-09-29
Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Success 


A good test result,

I will keep the side effects --


up much better now.


Een goede uitslag,Ein guter Befund,
de bijwerkingen houd ik --Nebenwirkungen halt' ich --
nu weer beter vol.wieder besser aus.

Gedicht H2321
Amsterdam, 2018-11-07
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Life: lust 

Zywa Landed high

My tent is in the room
rolled up in the corner
next to the guest bed

I glance behind me
the door is not locked
just like all the doors

in this hall, nineteen high
in the sky, I am a scared little bird
in a strange nest

that rocks in the wind
Inside, the air rustles softly
sensors feel what I like

to feel with my own senses:
the season, the sand and the sun
but I do not dare to go out

500 steps are too much for me, the elevator too small
I take a long shower
put on other clothes

over my anxiousness:
here I am, in your world
to see you

Gedicht 1944
Amsterdam, 2018-11-29
Collection: Summer birds 
Keyword: Interest 

Zywa Streamo (Flowing)

I know too many people, seriously
I am very, very busy

calling them and having tea together
it can not be done, my day

is too short and life is sand
leaking out of my hand

Of course, I must not clench
it is only an illusion

hiding that I am lying
in the body of the earth

breathing in her lungs
and eating in her belly

flowing in her existence
with my love, my lover and my friends

together, wherever we are
at the same time fully conscious

that the weeks are running through the years
and the years through our lives

Gedicht 1945
Amsterdam, 2018-11-29
Collection: More 
Keyword: Life:  

Zywa In between normal

Everything has already been said
you long for good times
just like me
     Do you want to leave
     and sleep with friends?

You are afraid
it's not gonna be OK
you wouldn't know how
     Your face says: leave me
     alone for a while


Stay, we are married
to have contact
that is normal
     an intimate harmony
     of your and my normal

We still discover pieces
of the world together
and new bits of ourselves
     we still can continue
     to grow together

I want to be welcome
with you, seriously
not just saying nice words
     without talking
     about what we have promised

I want more tenderness
than the pampering baths
of impetuous energy
     I want our love
     not to be jammed

in unreachable places

Gedicht 2065
Amsterdam, 2019-01-27
Collection: Freend 
Keyword: Love: heartbreak 

Zywa Our adventure threatens

We are honest
we keep the game going
with serious faces
without playing that we play

We say out loud that
our expectations are fighting
with the facts we say

we accept
and we warily search
in each other for solid ground
for our loose anchors

The mantle of the ropes
that connect us, is being
scraped to shreds
and we warily search

under water
for places to grow
from and with each other

for our adventure threatens
to get stuck in inability
like a project in a final phase
without end

Gedicht 2067
Amsterdam, 2019-01-27
Collection: Freend 
Keyword: Love: relationship 

Zywa My guests
(Chatterchick, Blacky and Madam)

Chatterchick is scattering cackles
because my husband follows
a truth of his own again and in vain
I am looking for silence

Blacky is in the dumps
sighing that she suffocates
in the darkening darkness
where it's never silent

It won't work!
Bring nuts and bars of chocolate!
Madam settles herself
to savour it in silence

I wish it were so
easy, Chatterchick cries
Bonkers, Fatty, Layabout
they taunt; Silence, Silence, I

shout, Go, go! I'm going
to think of something else
or thoughtlessly
do sports, get tired

I wish it were so
easy, Chatterchick cries
and the dumps are moaning
and the sofa is snoring

Gedicht 2079
Amsterdam, 2019-02-10
Collection: Freend 
Keyword: Panic 

Zywa Yes, I am I

It's quiet down in the dumps
only echoes from my heart
repeating who I am

until my head acquiesces
in who I am, saying yes
time and time again

without giving me names
of Good, Bad, Less
and Indulgent

I have to get on
with my qualities
which I needed and

which only in the present tense
should be weighed
for what I am worth

I'm not going to drown myself
in sorrow and pain
which point to the culprits --

I'm hurt, that's all

Gedicht 2242
Amsterdam, 2019-05-12
Collection: Imprints Masks 
Keyword: Identity:  

Zywa Poste restante

Sometimes I determine
the right moment myself, thinking

I know enough, but often I am surprised
by what comes from heaven

exactly at the moment
when I open my eyes

     I look in the envelope
     which half concealed

     is waiting for my unconscious
     knowing of the right moment

     to read what now
     is meaningful to me

If only I could stand above myself
to see the information flow

to behold and admire
the coils of the channels

from the universe in my body
and to understand and enjoy

life, that sometimes lies
waiting in my consciousness

as poste restante

Gedicht 2243
Amsterdam, 2019-05-12
Collection: Slow circles 
Keyword: Life:  

Zywa B EÃU FORT motor ride

I sit on the full power
of 210 horses, running
across Rooster beach
I exist, I live
ouring fast

my soul devours the surf
and the dune, the landscape
of my freedom, my dream
and reality fall together
on the border of the sea and friends

where I embrace my Norton
strong, autonomous and free
I create image by image
life from my desires
I create love in myself

Gedicht 2258
Amsterdam, 2019-06-03
Collection: Migration 
Keyword: Life: lust 
Keyword: Bel-België# 

Zywa In control

I can do anything to myself
get me stuck in dilemmas
ponder myself sick, activate me
or do nothing and wait
alternately on the couch, my bed
or hanging in the garden
between oak and lime

I can worry
about my health
and you, endlessly
make considerations
and decisions

     At least, if that is true
     because thinking is re-
     flecting, chasing after
     the events, telling myself

     that I have control over myself
     that I can make plans
     about my work and my life
     with you, now that everything changes

     and yet later will turn out
     to have stayed almost the same
     but then without this job
     and without you, only

     the transition is uneasy

Gedicht 2357
Amsterdam, 2019-07-08
Collection: Different times 
Keyword: Relationship 

Zywa Who will comfort me?

I am shocked by the question
to myself: who will comfort me?
Where are the arms

that rock me happy
and promise me a bright future?
With whom will I be safe?

     Come on girl, there is more
     under the sun, it shines
     look around you, smell
     the weather, you have your nose

     your eyes, ears, and mouth
     and your hands of course
     not just for the love
     of a man, of a child

But the world is so big
I want someone
for myself, a home

where I recharge
I want someone
to embrace, four arms

that feel together
that I am a woman
to love

Gedicht 2358
Amsterdam, 2019-07-09
Collection: The Big Secret 
Keyword: Comfort 

Zywa Grieving

Don't touch me, I strike
fire from my unshed tears
for the tentacles in my belly
I scorch every hand
(including mine)

Don't touch me, my skin
is tight around the old wounds
hardened to an abrasive armour
against what nobody should do
(and yet it happened)

Don't touch me, my belly
does not tolerate any pressure
on the serous membrane around
the spines on the wounds of lust
(of men for me)

Don't touch me, I cry
out the invasive past
from my body for new
cells that know nothing
(virginally)

Gedicht 2388
Amsterdam, 2019-08-12
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Touched 


I'm starting anew,

taking shoots of my life: green --


that I'll pass around.


Ik begin opnieuw,Ich fange neu an,
mijn leven te stekken: groen --gewinne Stecklinge: Grün --
om uit te delen.das ich verteile.

Gedicht H2562
Amsterdam, 2019-09-01
Health Care Centre of Our Lady, location East, ward B8
Collection: Different times 
Keyword: Share 


So sweet is the fruit

that I didn't pick, it just fell --


right into my lap.


Zo zoet is het fruitSo süß ist die Frucht
dat ik niet plukte, het viel --die ich nicht pflückte, sie fiel --
zomaar in mijn schoot.mir schon in den Schoß.

Gedicht H2580
Amsterdam, 2019-10-13
Collection: WoofWoof 
Keyword: Receiving 

Zywa He said sweet things

He said sweet things

to make me think
he loved me and I
was very special to him

I was so young –
available, in his eyes
and in his hands

At first sweet, so sweet
but a game
that had nothing to do with me

We shared a secret
he said, and I doubted
until I no longer knew

I hoped to escape
the familiar intimacy
I dreamed of love

Gedicht 2499
Amsterdam, 2019-11-06
Collection: Freend 
Keyword: Sex: abuse 

Zywa Fleaing myself

I look sideways at the flowers
I picked in the woods this morning
they stretch in the warmth
of my bedroom

outside, the rain rustles
over the traffic, the city
hidden behind the soft wall
of the curtains

the light from the clouds
shines broadly around
the candles on the plates
on the floor next to my bed

my skin is showered smooth
I brush the downy hair
this is me, to be loved
and coddled

I stroke my heart
it is not arousing
to whisper to myself
I love you

I stretch and pile pillows
under my buttocks, what shall I
fantasize, here I lie
as a queen

Gedicht 2527
Amsterdam, 2019-12-03
Fleaing is not: defleaing, but: removing skin flakes from the fur
Collection: I am 
Keyword: Love: for yourself 

Zywa Sometimes it rains

It's nice that you think of me
but fantasy would be too much
I am mine, not yours

when I am alone at home
at the table or in bed, longing
for company or attention

or not, I just eat and sleep
in the creases of the night
ignorant whether the moon is shining

In the morning, I awake
the birds arouse my nerves
and sometimes it rains

I have to pee and urgently
be busy, do not think that
you should brush your teeth

to kiss me and melt
me in your warmth
I'm not that lonely

Gedicht 2760
Amsterdam, 2020-03-11
Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Attention:  

Zywa Married, why not?

Dear darling, I know you, really
I love you, I want you
close to me, we can
have so much fun together, where
are you now it's hard?

Work is not a holiday
but we help each other
That's okay, isn't it? yes
here it's okay, with me
you are okay if you want

So why not?

Listen, don't be so hard
you make the mess in the house
you sabotage what you agree on
and what you promise, why
did I go out of my way

for you, what are you hiding
from me, it's not fair
be a man and admit
that I'm right
and can trust you

Gedicht 2769
Amsterdam, 2020-03-13
Collection: Freend 
Keyword: Ego / ~ism/~centrism 

Zywa Where is the army?

I do remember
I have seen it many times
on their faces, their demand

to be a big girl
not unbridledly whining
for attention

    Just explode, you are strong
    the furious evidence
    of our right


not to take care
of me, they were entitled
to their own lives

so I opened my mouth
invincible, powerful
for myself and everyone

I do not tolerate injustice
in front of me, do you hear me?
What is it with the people?

They walk blindly through the city
avoid strangers and grannies
ignore hungry pussycats

and throw away their plants, well
I have boundless energy, but
where is the army to help me?

Gedicht 2775
Amsterdam, 2020-03-14
Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: War: combat readiness 
Also dedicated to: Angelina S 

Zywa Stepmama

I would
escape, not know better
and run off, maybe scared
without a street cat helping me
but free

I would
go straight for my dreams
the smells that I can't reach
stroll through hedges and gardens
I'll never forget it

Would it
have happened that way
and do you want that too
or is attention enough
when you meow

Entertain me, Caress me
or are you asking: Comfort me
you just have no idea
what prison is
set me free

Gedicht 2781
Amsterdam, 2020-03-15
Collection: Migration 
Keyword: Freedom:  

Zywa Please come, Angelina

Please come, Angelina
     away from huzzaza hoopla
Take more time for yourself
     when the clockworks accelerate
tuck away safely under
     any vault you create
Please come, Angelina
     there's a fear in the sky
     hear, the winds blow goodbye

Set the order you need
     in a personal journal
which in words of your own
     will be vivid and truthful
never, ever devoured
     by a hurrying hurdle
Please come, Angelina
     there's a storm drawing near
     please come to a sky that is clear

Living slowly will help
     to increase your achievements
while you play with the fairies
     that dance cha-cha-cha movements
on the roofs and the towers
     with their merlons and battlements
Please come, Angelina
     I've heard rumours that sigh
     for a stifling hot sky

On the hands of the clock
     hangs the time bomb of vanity
but the peace in your head
     is releases humanity
Your attention is your wealth
     to enjoy your life happily
Please come, Angelina
     take my heart in your hand
     while the sky burns the land

Gedicht 2854
Amsterdam, 2020-03-31
Farewell, Angelina (Bob Dylan) - 1965
Song, sung by Joan Baez

Collection: Great Flow 
Keyword: Calm:  
Tribute: Dylan, Bob 
Tribute: Baez, Joan 
Also dedicated to: Angelina S 


Loving you is light

and dark is the suffering --


that you share with me.


Van jou te houdenDich lieb zu haben
is licht, en donker is het --ist hell, und dunkel ist das --
lijden dat jij deelt.Leiden das du teilst.

Gedicht H2685
Amsterdam, 2020-04-12
Collection: Without reserve 
Keyword: Love:  

Zywa Where the sun is quiet

On the back of the beast
I struggle My Struggle
thrown around in myself
by an eternal storm

I laugh me strong
and love myself enough
to be willing to change
but it is tiring

to start over and over again
Just kidding! I already know who I am
I can explain everything
including why
I like to be out of balance
within my limits

The parties are elsewhere
and heaven does not exist
but I'm safe
not bored

the bees buzz
life whistles
idiosyncraticly
through the cracks

Gedicht 2923
Amsterdam, 2020-04-15
Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Balance:  


Around the sun I

soul, and I am hot and cold --


within my balance.


Ik ziel om de zonIch seele um die
en ik heb het heet en koud --Sonne, mir ist heiß und kalt --
binnen mijn balans.in dem Gleichgewicht.

Gedicht H2686
Amsterdam, 2020-04-13
Collection: Being 
Keyword: Balance:  

Zywa Profile picture

Browsing through my photos
I chose the colourful elephant
as my nameplate in the web

My skin feels every fly
that lands on me with telelegs
as if I ever promised

to be connected with them
and ready for them
forever

But I want to be there
for those who feel the vibration
when I stamp on the ground

I sweep away the flies with a kiss
maybe they find without wings
their home close by on the ground

I am there too, in every colour
recognizable while I dwell
where I dwell and work where I work

There is so much to experience
that nobody needs to go anywhere
if he gives attention

Gedicht 2925
Amsterdam, 2020-04-15
Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Calm:  

Zywa I prefer to be silent

You are still living in my skin
and in my belly, my cells
still remember everything
as if your spirit has crept into them

I am not safe
sometimes you wake up
under a different name
threatening

to repeat what should never have been
What can I do?
What should I call out?
I know your rumpelstiltskin names
They hurt me

with impotence and panic
for what can happen
I rather am silent about it
with wise, dear people
who see my suffering anyway

Gedicht 2927
Amsterdam, 2020-04-15
Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Sex: abuse 

Zywa The year 2000 -- and then a new century

The music is calling, celebrate it
with me, with all of us
I challenge you

don't touch me
it's not your concern
why

I rather don't
even want to
know it myself

What I understand of it
is not up for discussion
Don't touch me

the scars are more sensitive
than I can bear
I don't show them

The music is calling
I challenge you
I challenge you

Gedicht 2943
Amsterdam, 2020-04-20
Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Sex: abuse 

Zywa The alarm went off

The alarm went off
in my belly, I thought
but it was already blasting

much earlier on my skin
for puzzling danger
Then I would run away

strike out or clench
like an iron clamp
I was a walking fortress

disguised as a girl
longing for contacts
that I could not bear

without necessity
and hard agreements
I still don't want to

be cheated
by understanding and sweet words
my body tolerates nothing

certainly no expectations

Gedicht 2945
Amsterdam, 2020-04-20
Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Sex: abuse 

Zywa I took your hand, not your name

When the sun does not yet give warmth
I get up with the duvet around me
and half behind the curtain I look
down the street, the first people

don't go anywhere, around the block
with dogs that follow scents
I always find it scary
whether they want to bite me

Again I think of you, of the hours
in which I was waiting for you
in the windowsill half behind the curtain
between reproach and longing
looking down the street

I look at the dogs and I look
at my empty hands
my legally empty hands
unharmed, nothing to tell

You only bit yourself out
of my bare heart
It is cold
I pull the duvet over me

Gedicht 2949
Amsterdam, 2020-04-21
Collection: Freend 
Keyword: Love: heartbreak 

Zywa Angelina

I have two full boxes of mail
and a drawer with old stuff
an autumn leaf from 1989
the wings mama put on me
to see what I had to be

and a few scraps of her voice
from the stealthily moments
when I held my breath
to hear the secrets
she discussed downstairs

Again, I smell what I wished for
her love all day long
and she being happy accordingly
but I should have been an angel
to accomplish it

Only these items have remained
moved over and over with me
to a new version of myself
Sometimes I sniff it, read answers
from then and find questions for now

Gedicht 2951
Amsterdam, 2020-04-21
Collection: Imprints Masks 
Keyword: Inheritance 
Also dedicated to: Angelina S 

Zywa Roses and sweat

Under the table, no one
gets in the way with giant shoes
my world can exist there --
until dinner

the houses, roads and construction projects
with all the thoughts of the people
I can read and answer --
with new plans

In the summer there are tables in the garden
with clips on the long cloths
swaying in the light of the wind --
my tent after dinner

which was small and dark at first
full of adults' legs
but cheerful with their voices --
my other world

I stroke the dry grass
clear ways for the ants
and breathe the strange air --
of roses and sweat

Gedicht 2960
Amsterdam, 2020-04-25
Abandoned tables (Juane Xue) - 2020
Collection: Imprints Masks 
Keyword: Realism 
Tribute: Xue, Juane 

Zywa Frozen sparks

Come on, this is our own movie
we'll do another take
I think at night

after peeing, back in bed
I keep redoing it
but you don't participate

and just lie there
sleeping the sleep
that I need so badly

I don't want to flee
but make an effort, fight
for who we can be

and yet I get cold
from you, I freeze
from fear I don't know

My heartbeat, the sparks
of desire do not skip
over

Gedicht 2966
Amsterdam, 2020-04-27
Collection: Freend 
Keyword: Love: heartbreak 


Being there, that's it,

he smiles at me, gardens live --


and are never done.


Er zijn, dat is het,Dasein, das ist es,
glimlacht de tuinman, een tuin --lächelt er, ein Garten lebt --
leeft en is nooit af.und ist nie fertig.

Gedicht H2705
Amsterdam, 2020-05-12
Movie "Being there" (1979)
Collection: Being 
Keyword: Life:  
Tribute: Sellers, Peter 


Walking the city,

with a thought to the shelters --


where life is teeming.


De stad belopen,Die Stadt bewandern,
stilstaan bij de schuilplaatsen --aufmerksam auf die Schutze --
waar leven krioelt.wo Leben wimmelt.

Gedicht H2721
Amsterdam, 2020-06-12
Collection: Between where 
Keyword: Environment 


Inside me, life is

teeming, bumping and bouncing --


I feel who I am.


Er krioelt levenDas Leben wimmelt
in mij, hotsend en botsend --in mir, fallend und prallend --
voel ik wie ik ben.fühl' ich wer ich bin.

Gedicht H2724
Amsterdam, 2020-06-14
Collection: Between where 
Keyword: Life: lust,  


Walking on a leash,

I do have enough leeway --


to hop happily.


Lopend aan de lijn,An der Leine, schon,
heb ik genoeg speelruimte --aber mit genug Spielraum --
om te huppelen.herumzuhüpfen.

Gedicht H2730
Amsterdam, 2020-06-14
The dog on a leash - 215
Quoted in "The Refutation of All Heresies" by Antipope Hippolytus of Rome, c. 200

Collection: Between where 
Keyword: Freedom:  
Tribute: Zeno(n) - Citium 


My body has stopped,

my head is still running on --


thinking to be free.


Mijn lichaam valt stil,Mein Körper fällt still,
alleen mijn hoofd holt nog door --mein Kopf hastet noch weiter --
en denkt vrij te zijn.und denkt frei zu sein.

Gedicht S1027
Amsterdam, 2020-06-14
Collection: Between where 
Keyword: Illusions:  


After letting go

I breathe again, my chest full --


of expectations.


Na het loslatenIch lasse los und
adem ik weer, mijn borst vol --atme wieder, meine Brust --
met verwachtingen.voller Erwartung.

Gedicht H2731
Amsterdam, 2020-06-15
Collection: Summer birds 
Keyword: Life: lust,  


Even when I can't,

I want to participate --


life doesn't wait, does it?


Ook als het niet kan,Auch wenn ich nicht kann,
wil ik naar buiten, meedoen --möchte ich raus, ins Leben --
het leven wacht nooit.das niemals wartet.

Gedicht H2740
Amsterdam, 2020-06-19
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  


Disabled, I rise,

I crank up my body, tired --


before the day starts.


Onklaar sta ik op,Ich steh auf, kurble
zwengel mijn lichaam aan, moe --meinen Körper an, müde --
voor de nieuwe dag.für den neuen Tag.

Gedicht S1035
Amsterdam, 2020-06-19
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  


I encapsulate

it, suck it out, the lead shot --


inside my belly.


Ik kapsel het inIch kapsle es ein,
zuig het uit, het schot hagel-sauge es aus, das Hagel-
korrels in mijn buik.Schrot in meinem Bauch.

Gedicht S1036
Amsterdam, 2020-06-19
Tumours
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  


In my belly, gas

bacteria punch and rave --


wildly a party.


GasbacteriënGasbakterien
stompen en knetteren wild --boxen und toben Party --
een feest in mijn buik.wild in meinem Bauch.

Gedicht S1037
Amsterdam, 2020-06-19
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Worries 


Am I doing well,

do the pills really help me --


against my worries?


Zou het wel goed gaan,Würde es mir gut
met mij, helpen de pillen --gehen, helfen die Pillen --
tegen mijn zorgen?bei meinen Sorgen?

Gedicht S1038
Amsterdam, 2020-06-19
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  


Clearly resounding

in me, my Temple of Joy:


the bells of life's pains.


In mij, mijn TempelKlartöne in mir,
van Vreugde klinken heldermeinem Tempel der Freude:
schalen levenspijn.Schalen des Schmerzes.

Gedicht H2741
Amsterdam, 2020-06-20
Dule si (Temple of Solitary Joy, in Tianjin, dedicated to Guanyin, built in 984)
Collection: From Sacred Scriptures 
Keyword: Joy 


Your smell: predicting

that I will be smooth, sliding --


into your desire.


Jouw geur voorspelt meDein Geruch sagt mir,
dat ik glad zal zijn, glijden --ich werde glatt sein, gleiten --
in jouw verlangen.in dein Verlangen.

Gedicht H2745
Amsterdam, 2020-06-21
Collection: Without reserve 
Keyword: Sex:  


Sometimes I miss me,

as I used to know myself --


as I want to be.


Soms mis ik mijzelf,Ich vermisse mich,
zoals ik me heb gekend --wie ich mich gekannt habe --
zoals ik wil zijn.wie ich sein möchte.

Gedicht H2757
Amsterdam, 2020-07-01
Collection: Paint overwritten 
Keyword: Identity:  

Zywa Empirical device

My thoughts are coming
from the outside, not from the inside

They find their way
from my eyes, ears, nose, tongue
and hands to my brain
where they look for a place
among the perceptions

that came in earlier on
and together they give me an idea
who I am as their sum:
an empirical device
that remembers what it experiences

and sometimes feels good with it
satisfied, happy, glad
or angry, afraid, sad
just as it has learned
from the outside world

I think, therefore I am
able to tell the difference

between judgmental thoughts and
feelings, which lock me
in old experiences
when I'm angry again
afraid again, sad again

and feelings that connect me
with everything around me, and nothing
confines me
to the system of learned
thoughts and feelings

Gedicht 3136
Amsterdam, 2020-07-29
Collection: Untwisted 
Keyword: Identity:  

Zywa In the Force

The old people at the club
are cheerful and mobile
enough to come
Other elderly people are handicapped
at home in their physical discomfort

I sometimes fantasize that it is 2050
and I am sitting in an easy chair
imagining what it was like in the past

and that by a miracle I am
suddenly back in that time
again feeling 24 full hours a day
what life was like
in my 38-year-old body

in the light of later, of being half-sedated
painfully worn out, almost gone
from the life I cherish

in the middle of the Force again
that flows through my sorrow
and that shines as I pass it on
to people looking for it
and having found it as I have

Gedicht 3169
Amsterdam, 2020-09-12
Homefun (Ellen Deckwitz) - 2020
Column "Heimpret" (in nrc.next)

Collection: Death on Cast 
Keyword: Disease:  
Tribute: Deckwitz, Ellen 

Zywa Dear bodyhome (2)

It is not cosy
in my bodyhome, sweating
on the bed, I stretch out wide

to an X
(value unknown)
to cool down

but there is no wind
and the air is damp
with sorrow for my fate

and with fear that this is the last
I am able to sustain, that
thereafter, it will be too bad

(I'm not sure what –
  then again it is too dark
  then the light shines too bright)

I want space and breath
to fight, I am a fighter
in my head and my belly

I am surrounded there
constricted and suffocated
There is plenty of air

Why not for me?
I bear the stings
and the cramping

for the danger –
the gong rings
(for a new round)

Gedicht 3173
Amsterdam, 2020-09-17
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa Heroes around me

We see each other as heroes
and that helps, yes, I too
can be wise and skillful
in handling the energy of life

realizing that heroes too
are tired after their tours de force
– the life-size warding off
not-living

My parents started it
I sensed their fears
and discovered step by step
more and more for myself

what is unsafe
Sometimes I wait in a corner
for what might happen
encapsulating with love and down

what imposes itself
inside and outside of me
I let it go, let it flow on
I'm balancing in the force field

I want to be healthy
not anaesthetize anything and yet
live a carefree life as if
we always wake up again

Gedicht 3206
Amsterdam, 2020-10-01
Zhineng Qigong = Wise and Skillful Handling of the Energy of Life
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Hero(ine) 

Zywa The silent steps

After jumping I learn
between tears and laughter
with steady partners
the silent steps

Sometimes I cry for later
always about bygone days
and their repetition
as if they have to be redone

Dancing I also think
about the pleasant things
that are not possible and
that I am released from

although I miss them
which I reconcile when I rest –
through an old crack
fantasy sneaks in

and there is what was

Gedicht 3225
Amsterdam, 2020-10-31
Collection: Untwisted 
Keyword: Memory:  

Zywa In my rooms

Suddenly it was different
the toggles turned over
and I was picked up

I brace myself, fallen through
something, a membrane
between order and overpower

Carry me away, I want heavens
of pastel and gray after the outings
in my room and in the hallway
not a dropped ceiling

Back home, in the light
of my own windows
between the plants, the pillar
and the post of pain

thinly covered with anxious dreams
in which I don't want to be snowed under
no matter how tight the ties squeeze

In pyjamas I suffer myself
clamping my cup in my hands
I won't let go

Gedicht 3273
Amsterdam, 2020-11-10
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Death:  

Zywa

Metamorphic body (Qiflow)
It does not need
me, no matter what
I do, leave and think


It is
It flows
or gathers


If I surrender
and let It go by Itself
without having to do anything


I become conscious of It
I experience It
thoughtlessly


soul in the Soul
flow with the Flow
a metamorphic body of It


I breathe and perceive
It, where It
does not flow It will flow

Gedicht 3280
Amsterdam, 2020-11-14
Collection: Metamorphic body 
Keyword: Reiki^ 


The mouth I moulded

screams a hole, the hole in her --


belly is silent.


Ik boetseer een vrouwIch modelliere.
haar mond schreeuwt een gat, het gat --Der Mund der Frau schreit ein Loch --
in haar buik is stil.das Bauchloch ist still.

Gedicht S1103
Amsterdam, 2020-12-11
Vanishing point (Wytske Versteeg) - 2020
Story "Verdwijnpunt"

Collection: VacantVoid 
Keyword: Self-expression 
Tribute: Versteeg, Wytske 

Zywa Injury

Are you my exercise
of feeling breath
in my body and feeling it
rise to a storm?

Am I your exercise
of listening, only
asking a question
when I dare not go on

to throw up fragments
of facts and confusion
in fits and starts
of silences

which you undergo
without comfort, without
getting closer, that close
you are already

confident
that I dare to
breathe deeply, cry
and go on

searching
in the dark
discovering
how I can?

Gedicht 3299
Amsterdam, 2020-12-12
Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Trauma 


I keep balancing

the energy flow in me --


a meditation.


Ik balanceer steedsIch balanciere
de energiestroom in mij --den Energiefluß in mir:
een meditatie.Meditation.

Gedicht H2867
, 0000-00-00
Zhineng Qigong = wise and skillful handling of the energy of life, so that it flows in a balanced way (yin and yang)
Collection: Untwisted 
Keyword: Meditation 


Physical defects

don't affect my sanity --


I am    (a thinker)!


LichaamsgebrekenNein, Körperfehler
tasten mijn verstand niet aan --greifen meinen Geist nicht an --
ik ben     (een denker)!ich bin    (ein Denker)!

Gedicht H2870
, 0000-00-00
I think, therefore I am - 1644
"Je pense, donc je suis" ("Cogito ergo sum" / "I think, therefore I am", 1644, "Discours de la Méthode", René Descartes) is about whether physical existence is real, thereby separating the physical and spiritual side of existence; this division is imaginary, but it can be an aid to ethical choices and to willpower

Collection: Untwisted 
Keyword: Balance:  
Tribute: Descartes, René 


I do not know how

long, but now I am with you --


now I laugh with you.


Ik weet niet hoe langWer weiß wie lange
nog, maar nu zit ik bij jou --noch, aber ich bin bei dir --
nu lach ik met jou.ich lache mit dir.

Gedicht H2878
, 0000-00-00
Collection: Ifless 
Keyword: Contact:  


My first steps outside,

a wide footway, in my head --


festoons everywhere!


Mijn eerste stappen,Ich gehe wieder
een brede stoep, in mijn hoofd --nach draußen, in meinem Kopf --
overal slingers!gibt es Girlanden!

Gedicht H2879
, 0000-00-00
Rehabilitation
Collection: New Ago 
Keyword: Life: lust,  


My New Year's forecast:

being a fish in water --


living in the All!


Nieuwjaarsverwachting:Neujahrsaussichten:
een vis in het water zijn --wie ein Fisch im Wasser sein --
leven in het Al!und im All leben!

Gedicht H2880
, 0000-00-00
Universal energy
Zhineng Qigong

Collection: New Ago 
Keyword: Reiki^ 

Zywa Deep pause

I am that woman
who takes a few steps and then
stands still in the wind
on her face, my

skin feels the world
new, the cherry trees
this walk to the store
on the corner around the corner --

cars parked next to the sidewalk
are so much more than the view
of the windows all around, the gardens
chimneys and clouds -- the wind

on my face, my
heart touched, pounding
in my throat, three times
I take a deep breath, only then

do I walk along the traffic
away from the cherry trees
to the store on the corner
around the corner

Gedicht 3361
Amsterdam, 2021-01-13
Collection: New Ago 
Keyword: Beginning:  

Zywa Struck

I know the names
and some pictures

of your friends, unfamiliarly
we would greet each other

there are no words
to share your wonder

We want to, but we can't
explain, we don't want to explain

because already while conceiving
every onset misses your essence

I have to accept
to be confused

struck
every time, and forever

you are wherever
on my mind

Gedicht 3368
Amsterdam, 2021-01-15
Collection: Without reserve 
Keyword: Friendship:  
Also dedicated to: Jan Aart K 

Zywa Companions

Not a path, but an abyss
Cold wind, threatening clouds
It is inhospitable here

Diagonally in front of me
black leaves crunch open
Straight from the ground

Owls grow from them
they inflate themselves
thoughtful as they are

As if they could fly
they are close to the edge
to keep me from a false step

Behind me, I hear them
shrivel
When I look back quickly

the remnants pretend nothing
is going on, but if I do it calmy
they are completely gone

Gedicht 3372
Amsterdam, 2021-01-16
The companions of fear (René Magritte) - 1942
Painting "Les compagnons de la peur"

Collection: Between where 
Keyword: Fear:  
Tribute: Magritte, René 

Zywa The Sun and the Night

Staring at the light
it becomes night
in my eyes

Staring into the night
the nothing
is too big

just as the light is
too big, too dangerous
for my body

I have to stay in between
life is scattered
light, softened

by the force of weight
the mass in which there is room
for an incomprehensible amount of energy

the darkness of death
the still life in which life is
a miracle every day

Gedicht 3379
Amsterdam, 2021-01-17
The sun and death cannot stare at each other (François VI, duke of La Rochefoucauld) - 1665
"Le soleil ni la mort ne se peuvent regarder fixement" (Morales XXVI)

Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Life:  
Keyword: Reiki^ 
Tribute: De La Rochefoucauld, François VI 

Zywa Ripples [1]

Senses, to be touched
and to be able to touch, the difference
between being and not being

I touch, so I exist

If I am not touched
I will wither, but
if I do not touch, I do not exist

I can be a loner
touch plants and animals
to live on

I can influence their lives
change their future
I can feed, kill and everything

in between has effects too
even the smallest ripples
make a difference, that is existence

the way we want it, making a difference
making a little positive difference
with each wing beat

Gedicht 3381
Amsterdam, 2021-01-17
Staring at the Sun: overcoming the terror of death (Irvin Yalom) - 2008
"Butterfly effect" (enlarged reaction)
Book

Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Insight 
Tribute: Yalom, Irvin 

Zywa Sonian Forest

We have not embraced
the seqoias, not felt
their warmth this winter

We really need to get going
descend ten kilometers
south from Red Cloister

along the three sources
the playground and the pale castle
La Solitude

to the two families
in the middle of the beech forest
Every twenty-two I want

to touch them, tree by tree
warm myself to them
share in their strength

With you and someone else
I want to encircle them
breast to bark

Gedicht 3383
Amsterdam, 2021-01-17
Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Calm:  

Zywa Ripples [2]

Children attract me
I want to be touched
feel their energy
bumping into me

and I want to bounce back
push my soul against them
as a caress

The elderly at the social club touch me
their presence and their smile
warm me, the understanding
the wink of a telling word
the wisdom of their wrinkles

I have girlfriends
I make contact, I throw myself
into the water, the waves
touch them and the whole world
in a wide circle

the ripples lightly press on people
I only meet briefly, more deeply
into those who know my name

and always something springs back
always something gets in, something
of who I am, no one can escape
the fact that I exist

Gedicht 3388
Amsterdam, 2021-01-18
Staring at the Sun: overcoming the terror of death (Irvin Yalom) - 2008
"Ripple effect" (multiplied reactions)

Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Ethics:  
Tribute: Yalom, Irvin 

Zywa Visiting Sick

I walk back and forth
my house is not big

Outside is too far for me
and it is cold there
with dark clouds

I have plenty of time
to look, to see
small contrasts, birds flying past
the life that is dear to me

Do come to me
feel what is real
for which I put so much effort
feel what is important

what is pleasant, beautiful and cheerful
feel that there are friends
to share it with

now and later for yourself
there's no need to be afraid

Gedicht 3390
Amsterdam, 2021-01-18
Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Calm:  

Zywa My life line

I want to live without the ready-to-wears
of my former identities, I don't want to
be a former colleague, not a patient

with a rare disease
of the most severe category
rescued in the hospital mill

I want to live without the pity
that compassionate eyes attribute to me
I am still who I was

With a new decoration --
my hidden life line
with a curve

around my belly button:
here I am
Reborn

Gedicht 3521
Amsterdam, 2021-03-01
Identity = Being identical to
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Identity:  

Zywa My decoration

My birth eye is blind
to the scar around it
my decoration

the life-size secant line
my fingers see
and my eyes feel

I taste the activities
of my organs, I taste
new flavours in my mouth

More identities are added
then get off, new clothes
that are one size smaller

and experiences as a friend
student, teacher, and fellow sufferer
that are one size extra

I bathe in abundance, so much
help and renewed contacts
because of who I am

I live, I make webtrips
my thoughts run around
and often stand still

in slow movements
around the centre
behind my belly button

Gedicht 3523
Amsterdam, 2021-03-01
Identity = Being identical to
Poetess Anne Boyer (Topeka 1973) published the book "The Undying: Pain, Vulnerability, Mortality, Medicine, Art, Time, Dreams, Data, Exhaustion, Cancer, and Care" in 2019
Zhineng Qigong & Centre of gravity of body energy (Hara)

Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Identity:  

Zywa Zywa

I write my life
book, not on paper --
in many heads

I record who I am
and what I experience, just like you
I forget the future

There is no death in me
hormones run off and on
cell growers renew me

and I don't smell of decay
only of cheerfulness
and my desire

to live untroubled
in a home without worries
with dearcat and orphan plants

my heart full of garlands
and flowers scenting of contact
gently touching you

to be touched
by your hands
by your attention

Gedicht 3525
Amsterdam, 2021-03-01
Zywa = alive, vivid
Attention is like sunshine
Hormone = bringing-in-motion
Cytokine = cell-mover, cell-grower

Collection: Metamorphic body 
Keyword: Life: lust 

Zywa Keeping on

Today you are touchably
close to me, your scent
a cheek against my cheek
our hands free

upon each other's warmth
friendship feels like that
without words
without question

There is always so much
to share, so much
that we know and do not dare
to know, do not dare to despair

It's still going well
enough, we want to
keep it, keep on
repeating it

our arms tight around
each other, around the skin
the blood and the bones
of our souls

Gedicht 3850
Amsterdam, 2021-06-28
Collection: More 
Keyword: Friendship:  

Zywa As long as love flows

Look, do you see it's me?
Don't mind the poppies
don't mind my skin, my head

without hair, okay, you may
see the earrings, they're winking
to the desirable gold

that you only know tied up
tight above unadorned ears
It was only loose at home

I tried lipstick
and became invincible
a robot woman full of energy

The pain does not count, I'm alive
experience after experience
a different person

The pain does count, I like
to live, take all
chances, give

anything for it
as long as it goes, as long
as I can, as long

as my energy flows love

Gedicht 3876
Amsterdam, 2021-07-12
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Life: lust 

Zywa Cushion in my back

Please fold like a pillow
in my back, shape your body softly
to mine, then the pain will sink

down in it, in the embrace
of your affection, you may caress me
lightly over my shoulder, that's all

I can give you if you promise
not to move, I can't cope with more
my open flower remains closed

Sometimes it burns from cramping pain
sometimes from desire, always delicate
everything is delicate inside

too delicate for wild passion
nectar kisses, heavenly sweat
and total satisfaction

Gedicht 3887
Amsterdam, 2017-07-14
Maiden name Puni = Heavenly flower
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Love: wish 

Zywa White tongue

Not the war makes the warrior
but his peace
with the ending

     My gates are open
     energy is flowing in
     my face shines from it

     I live, I don't distract you
     with golden hair, I am
     life, bald and unadorned

Not: I survive with hope
but with inner peace
with the ending

     I don't leave me
     I don't withdraw
     in pain and sorrow

     I let life flow in and out
     I'm standing in the light
     in which we find each other

I am not here as a sick person
but in my hard-fought peace
with the ending

     My chest breathes up and down
     my dear body hurts
     I radiate it

     With hot water I wash
     off flakes and sighs
     and I stretch out, cautiously

Gedicht 3891
Amsterdam, 2021-07-15
Chemo
Qigong = Life energy-mastery

Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  
Also dedicated to: Honglin L 

Zywa Space, ease, myself

Space, ease, myself
breathing, feeling the stitches
under my ribs and the poison
in my body, in my head

Not thinking about that
Every day a friend
who cares
about her own interests

No curiosity, patronising
and consolation, only
an embrace and
being spoiled a bit

Awake, not dreaming
in my sleep, walking around
in the colours of the world
and eating roasted peanuts

in the park, the park
always a park
a forest, a dike or a beach
and otherwise my balcony

Gedicht 3897
Amsterdam, 2021-07-17
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Calm:  

Zywa The Bittersweet Secret

Listen, follow my words
maybe they'll open you
to the Big Secret

and anchor it
in your mind, the gravity
of it in your heart, a sense

of what life is, your
life on planet earth
People in love know it

for a while, while it lasts
It changes everything
you do, everything you see

The world and you adjust
easily and by themselves
Osmoses over and back

free from friction and irritations
of your skin, that flow the bittersweet
out of you and into you

Gedicht 3900
Amsterdam, 2021-07-18
Bittersweet (solanum dulcamara, active against eczema and witchcraft)
Collection: The Big Secret 
Keyword: Life: lust 

Zywa Read me

PAN-PAN   Come closer
without secondary objects
of illness and dying

Do not waste time
read my face
not my unusual skull

The sun shines, I breathe just like you
Feel free to touch me, I am
not a shadow behind the threshold
of memories

We can be together these hours
without the fatal snake venom
overgrowing our relationship

There is so much
that I want to hear from you and
that you don't know of me

Be as carnal as you can be
Answer my body language
caress the painful spots and
put your soul in me for a moment

Gedicht 3925
Amsterdam, 2021-08-11
Eurydice
A person's (deadly) illness is not his identity
"Portrait de la jeune fille en feu" ("Portrait of a Lady on Fire", 2019, Céline Sciamma)
"PAN-PAN, PAN-PAN, PAN-PAN" is the request for help (no emergency)

Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Contact:  


My skin is springtime,

pastel green with pink flowers --


radiant of love.


Mijn huid is lente,Meine Haut: Frühling,
zacht groen met roze bloemen --zartgrün mit rosa Blüten --
stralend van liefde.strahlend von Liebe.

Gedicht H3009
, 0000-00-00
Persephone
Collection: More 
Keyword: Life: lust,  


Look at me, my wound

is a branch full of life force --


full of peace blossoms.


Kijk naar mij, mijn wondSchau: meine Wunde,
is een tak vol levenskracht --ein Zweig voller Lebenskraft --
vol vredebloesems.und Friedensblüten.

Gedicht H3010
, 0000-00-00
Body paint starting from the branch on an operation scar
Collection: More 
Keyword: Life: lust,  


Just like yesterday,

branches grow from me, adorned --


with one-day flowers.


Net als gisteren,Genau wie gestern
groeien er takken uit mij --wachsen Zweigen aus mir, voll --
vol eendagsbloemen.von Eintagsblümen.

Gedicht H3011
, 0000-00-00
Collection: More 
Keyword: Life: lust,  


I want to exist,

please look at me, sympathise --


and feel who I am.


Ik wil bestaan, kijk,Ich will leben, schau
me aan, leef met mij mee, voel --mich an und fühle mit mir --
en zie wie ik ben.sehe, wer ich bin.

Gedicht H3018
, 0000-00-00
The closing song of "Tommy" (1969, The Who), "We're not gonna take it", ends with the exclamation "See me, feel me, / touch me, heal me"
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Contact:  


Because I know you,

I want to hear your story --


tell me who you are.


Omdat ik jou ken,Weil ich dich kenne,
wil ik jouw verhaal horen --frag ich nach deinem Leben --
zeg me wie jij bent.sag mir, wer du bist.

Gedicht H3020
, 0000-00-00
Collection: More 
Keyword: Sympathy / Compassion 


Away with strict rules

to prolong my existence --


I keep on living.


Geen strenge regelsKeine Regeln um
om mijn leven te rekken --mein Leben zu verlängern --
maar blijven leven.ich lebe weiter.

Gedicht H3021
, 0000-00-00
Collection: More 
Keyword: Life: lust,  


No goodbye: we stay

together, cheerful, nothing --


is for the last time.


Geen afscheid: vrolijkKein Abschied: fröhlich
samen zijn, nooit voor het laatst --sind wir, nie zum letzten Mal --
iets zeggen of doen.was sagen, was tun.

Gedicht H3025
, 0000-00-00
Collection: More 
Keyword: Life: lust,  


Slap, slap, the stickers

instantly turn my body --


into an object.


Pats, pats, de plakkersKlatsch, klatsch, Aufkleber
veranderen mijn lichaam --ändern meinen Körper, in --
in een onderzoeksding.ein Forschungssache.

Gedicht S1223
Amsterdam, 2021-09-01
Hospital
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Objectification 


Play an open hand,

even though you don't know what --


to do with their shock.


Open kaart spelen,Mit offenen Karten
zonder te weten wat dan --spielen, aber was zu tun --
met hun schrik te doen.mit ihrem Schrecken?

Gedicht S1243
Amsterdam, 2021-09-15
Collection: Different times 
Keyword: Openness 


Without happily

ever after: already --


I feel a distance.


Kom, zonder het langKein glückseliges
en gelukkig voel ik al --Ende: ich fühle bereits --
afstand tussen ons.Distanz zwischen uns.

Gedicht S1244
Amsterdam, 2021-09-15
Serious illness
Collection: Different times 
Keyword: Disease:  


I'd like to meet you

for years, or be endlessly --


stalling for this year.


Liefst ontmoet ik jouDich treffen, möglichst
nog jaren, of eindeloos --noch lange, oder endlos --
dit jaar steeds rekken.dieses Jahr schinden.

Gedicht S1245
Amsterdam, 2021-09-15
Collection: Different times 
Keyword: Goodbye: postponement 


I am here, with you,

today and also next week --


when I won't be there.


Ik ben er, bij jou,Ich bin da, bei dir,
vandaag, ook volgende week --heute, auch nächste Woche --
als ik er niet ben.wenn ich nicht da bin.

Gedicht S1246
Amsterdam, 2021-09-15
Collection: Different times 
Keyword: Love: wish 


I want a shoulder,

a lap, and tender kisses --


on the bitterness.


Ik wil een schouder,Ich möchte Arme,
een schoot, en zoete kussen --einen Schoß, süße Küsse --
op de bitterheid.auf der Bitterkeit.

Gedicht H3049
, 0000-00-00
Collection: More 
Keyword: Safety:  

Zywa Groping for each other

What you experience, I experience
through your stories, it becomes also my
also my memory, my identity

Your desire, your delight
is also my emotion, my need
my reason of subsistence

The love that embraces you
also warms me, the love
you miss, also saddens me

With you, I follow the choices
that you make, regardless which
choices I would make myself

Your confusion, your searching
confuses me, makes me grope
where you are, on my side

We embrace life
the secrets of our bodies
We embrace, embrace each other

Gedicht 3935
Amsterdam, 2021-09-20
Collection: I am 
Keyword: Friendship:  

Zywa The light shifts through the room

In bed I don't imagine
to be a warrior, I lie back
and let the disaster year occur

the inconveniences of my body
when waking up at night
and when it's time

to pee, to wash, to shake
up the pillows and to drink
something to start

the day, the light
that shifts through the room
and the visitors, the friends

who love me, just happy
to be with me, almost carefree
about my fate, just being themselves

as good fairies, strong fairies
of flesh and blood like me
in the survival game

I press weakly the hand
upon my hand, it's the last
thing it comes down to

Gedicht 3937
Amsterdam, 2021-09-20
"Beyond Reason - Beyond Guidance - Beyond Salvation" (Disaster Year 1678 in the Netherlands)
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Friendship:  

Zywa Suns around each other

Your journey takes you further
and further away, maybe
we'll only see each other on a screen
maybe we'll only meet in words

We remain the same
we remain equally strong-
ly connected, but
I rather have you at my

home, at your home --
bodies with our voices
the blonde hairs on our skin
the same scents in our mind

You are always close
when I hear you, when I read you
yet you are there
I know about where

My feelings follow you
they circle with the others
at your side, as suns
around your suns

Gedicht 3940
Amsterdam, 2021-09-21
Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Friendship:  

Zywa Belonging [1]

I want to belong
just
laugh together
and keep talking

whisper in the warmth
of each other's blood
safe in the insecurity
of life

that hits friends and takes them away
from the chain dance -- to the last
we hold them
hand in hand

I don't lock me up
in guarantees and fear
I bump and dent me outside
in the storm, together

with warriors
who do not hide
from the fate of others
because they belong

Gedicht 3973
Amsterdam, 2021-10-02
Collection: More 
Keyword: Life: lust 

Zywa Lost in language

He drove me to the sea
I make small steps
barefoot

Barefoot steps in the cold
sand, I do my best
I don't lie down

The toes of my feet
comes towards me
Next to his steps

We have done this
before, nothing wrong
The wind was always blowing

salt into my hair
foam into my words
playing hide and seek

inside my head, and the seagulls
squawk shrilly through it
I get lost in language

differences and bad
connections, and still
he does not notice

Gedicht 3979
Amsterdam, 2021-10-04
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Brain 

Zywa Wagtails in the garden

Through the shadowy grey
of who what when
the mornings are fuzzy

green of visitors that will dance
and laugh, tell stories
with many gestures

and always find a reason
to touch me and embrace
me intimately

It's all, but not enough
I don't want to
crawl away in my hole yet

Could I only hide
like the sun
and appear again

with wagtails in the garden
and playing children
outside

Gedicht 3997
Amsterdam, 2021-10-07
Collection: More 
Keyword: Life: lust 

Zywa Brief break on the road

A brief break on the road
too tired for a nap
or to really eat here, something
that they don't even have

It's no use
to take my coat off
I just keep that one
glove on as well

I wish I was at home, in bed
not those bright lights, not that
endless dark night
still to go

Gedicht 4005
Amsterdam, 2021-10-10
Automat (Edward Hopper) - 1927
Painting

Collection: Between where 
Keyword: On the way 
Tribute: Hopper, Edward 

Zywa Wand

Do I want him

to dive into my bed sometimes
sometimes not, like an angel --
his wings ready to go?

exactly as I wish
exactly like a man
an experienced lover

who doesn't have to breathe
because he is an angel --
he doesn't smell odours

Perhaps it works
with my new wand
to make a hatch

or folding doors in the sky
something that I can open myself
as a sign: Come! Go!

Or do I want him to stay
and be with me, sometimes as a friend
sometimes as a lover, sometimes as an angel?

Gedicht 4009
Amsterdam, 2021-10-11
Collection: Blown sand 
Keyword: Love: wish 

Zywa My tiger stays in bed

I cry with misery, inside
I collapse, again, again
I have to fire myself
to hold on

Time is short and goes so fast
but I have to go to bed
to lie down with my tiger
and get up with it

Homely chatter in the kitchen
the soup is already smelling and
I know there are candles burning
If only I could sleep

I shiver when I put back the blanket
I'll move the bed to the winter side
My tiger stays in bed
and rolls over again

The dry tears contract
my skin, come on, out
there are blackberries and
smell, smell the fresh bread

I pull myself together
caress the stiff parts
and wrap up myself nicely
as the tiger I've been

Gedicht 4011
Amsterdam, 2021-10-11
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Will 

Zywa Belonging [2]

My body does not know
I have my birthday, it doesn't know yet
what will be working today, and what not

It tingles. It hurts.
Where do I get the strength from?
the Force, the Force

Scatterbrain, are you awake
here on the edge of the bed
what do you think, can I get up?

Hello Missy Kittypee
why don't you say anything, come
and sing a song for me?

Let the phone lie over there
I know I am kind
if I'm fit without pain

Gedicht 4015
Noordwijk, 2021-10-13
For Maria Godschalk, on her birthday
Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Disease:  


I'm cleaning up plans

and pass my supplies of things --


on to new users.


Ik ruim plannen opIch räume Pläne
en geef mijn voorraad spullen --und gebe meinen Vorrat --
door aan gebruikers.weiter an Nutzer.

Gedicht H3070
Amsterdam, 2021-10-16
Collection: Paint overwritten 
Keyword: Space 


I'm picking meeting

after meeting as the fruits --


of my screen contacts.


Ik pluk ontmoetingIch pflücke Treffen
na ontmoeting als vruchten --nach Treffen als die Früchte --
van schermcontacten.der Schirmkontakte.

Gedicht H3071
Amsterdam, 2021-10-16
Collection: Summer birds 
Keyword: Together: meeting 


There are no best years,

in a different way, it's all --


the most beautiful.


Er zijn geen mooiste,Nein, keine schönsten
jaren, alles is anders --Jahre, alles ist immer --
het mooist van alles.anders das schönste.

Gedicht H3072
Amsterdam, 2021-10-16
Collection: Different times 
Keyword: Happiness: beauty 

Zywa Mayday

I welcome you, my house is green
plants everywhere, fruit and cookies
Let us celebrate life

I want to smell the earth
I want to feel the rain
that releases the scent of the earth
from the cracks in the land

I welcome you, in beautiful clothes
cheerful if possible, happy
that you are there

Open the window to the gardens
let the pleasure substances in --
the pollen of the world
that finds soil everywhere

I welcome you, please help me
since this is all, help me
then I'll be able to face it

Gedicht 4090
Amsterdam, 2021-11-02
"Mayday" is the decomposition of: "m'aidez" = "help me"
Mitti attar = Earth perfume, smelling of the first drops of monsoon rain on the dry earth, a smell of relief

Collection: On living on 
Keyword: Together:  


Being together,

our mutual attention --


is just like sunshine.


Een middag samen,Im Zusammensein
jouw aandacht en mijn aandacht --ist unsere Achtsamkeit --
zijn als zonneschijn.so wie Sonnenschein.

Gedicht H3146
, 0000-00-00
Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Attention: sun 


Life is short, don't waste

any time and concentrate --


today on today.


Het leven is kortDas Leben ist kurz,
verspil geen tijd en richt je --also konzentriere dich --
vandaag op vandaag.heute auf heute.

Gedicht H3148
, 0000-00-00
Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Awareness: reality 

Zywa Roger Wilco

I'm waiting, not dressed yet
First, gather courage, a shower
is nice, the rest is a challenge

Cleaning up a bit, do some shopping
maybe, otherwise I'll just sit here
waiting for the appointment

Waiting is getting harder
It gives me too much time
to think about the end

I survived nightwatches
as an object-with-a-wristband
for routine examinations

My life is too short
to worry about side issues
Will you come?

Please come soon, hear me, see me
understand me, I love you
Roger Wilco, I love you too

Gedicht 4246
Amsterdam, 2021-12-22
R = Received
Roger = Message Received
Wilco = I understand and Will Comply

Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Need 

Zywa Throw-away songs

As if I were old, I bury
friends from the hospital
Who is left compares
the ritual with images from above
(and oneself as a spectator)

of the farewell
where you are not present yourself
after the anticlimax that precedes it
Y o u     d o n ' t     w a n t     t o     k n o w
No, nobody wants to know
(not about themselves
  not about anyone else)


Protesting against Life
is very much Being alive
even if it is ridiculous
all the more so because
you still want so much
(to experience and enjoy)

Maybe I'm just shouting
screaming not to cry and die
of despair
Friends catch snatches
(and do not understand me)

There are also happy hours
bittersweet
when I give it a thought
that far too soon
they won't be there anymore
(I won't be there anymore)

Gedicht 4255
Amsterdam, 2021-12-25
Collection: Bruises 
Keyword: Disease:  

Zywa New Year's Eve 2021

What is a new year worth
if there is nothing new about it
and also nothing old?

If I no longer know myself
no longer am my old self
and have to learn

to love the other person
with my name and my body
whom I'd rather not be

Who misses my capacities
who needs to think far too long
before she says something back

who is not as funny and quick-witted
as me, as I remember
that I was, as I am

But it doesn't come out
it is hidden somewhere
so that I want to crawl away

and see nobody, nobody
until it appears and
I can jump and talk again

Gedicht 4267
Amsterdam, 2021-12-28
Collection: New Ago 
Keyword: Identity: self-image 

Zywa Here I am

Listen to me, as half as I am
Talk to me, talk about me
to your loved ones, to your friends
Talk!
about my big eyes, my crazy dreams
And I, what I want, is lots of things
to tell you, to touch you
Yeah, that's it

     Here, this is who I am
     Here I stand, naked in front of you, yes
     I am afraid
     Here I stand, silent in the fuss


Look at me, look at least
to what's left of me
Look at me, before I hate myself
What can I tell you that
no one else would tell you?
Just a few things, but
it's me, who I am, I offer you all
I have, here you go

     Here, this is who I am
     as naked as I stand here
     there is nothing more
     This is my mouth, my cry
     okay, this is me
     Here, here, here I am I
     my dreams, my desires
     the way I expose myself, the way I smile
     Here I stand, silent in the fuss


Don't leave, please, stay for a long time
even if it won't save me, no
but without you I don't know how
Love me like you love a friend
who is leaving forever
I want you to love me
because I don't know that well
how I should love my half me

     Here, this is who I am
     as naked as I stand here
     there is nothing more
     Here I stand in the fuss and in the storm
     Please look at me
     to my eyes and my hands
     This is all I have to offer
     my mouth, my cry
     Here I am, here I am, here
     here, here
     here, here

Gedicht 4276
Amsterdam, 2021-12-31
Here I am (Barbara Pravi) - 2021
Free translation of the song "Voilà" ("Here I am", 2021, Barbara Pravi)

Collection: Reaching out 
Keyword: Attention: exist 
Tribute: Pravi, Barbara 

Gedicht 4288
Amsterdam, 2022-01-10
Collection: Freend 
Keyword: Trauma 

Zywa I lay awake

Only later I could
play without acting
play the leading role
in my life, my destiny

presorted or coincidental
bad luck on the inside
of my desirable body
loved

without lasting interest
in me, my presence
my desirous spirit
that lay awake

from them, their dreams
which I could not follow
which spurned me
afraid

of the effort that it takes
to change and
not to continue to press
the bruises

Gedicht 4291
Amsterdam, 2022-01-24
Collection: Freend 
Keyword: Life: course 

Zywa Intimacy

Only experiences count
now that every day matters:
new activities
beauty to the full

and attention to me
The rest, I clear out
What I have saved for years
I throw away neatly

in wrapping paper
or I fold flowers from it
witch will get dusted
in memory

of my company
our meetings
which cannot wait
We give each other

this day, everything
that can be intimate between
people in the passing
of an ordinary day

I do the fun things
that everyone says
he'd like to do, with you
and you and you and you

Gedicht 4301
Amsterdam, 2022-02-07
Collection: More 
Keyword: Love: intimacy 

Zywa The bull

His black eye looks back
to me, we are alone
in the meadow, in the roadside

I hold my breath
everything becomes lighter
around the black

Meadow and road the world
empty and we eye
and beating heart

Heavy and firmly
my legs all four
in the ground

Strength crackles
around the electric barbed wire
in my insides

Gedicht 4309
Amsterdam, 2022-02-13
Collection: Lilith's Powers 
Keyword: Energy: power 

Zywa
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